Hello Reader,

Have you ever played Chinese whispers? Called "Telephone" in some parts of the world, the game is played by whispering a message from one participant to the next, and on an on, until the last person in the line, who then says the message out loud. Some participants genuinely mishear the message while others sabotage on purpose. The original message comes out as some garbled nonsense at the other end of the queue. The results are often hilarious.

Real life can mirror that game sometimes. The potential for mixed messages and miscommunication is immense. We live in a content-rich world and so many things compete for our attention. It is hard to pay sustained attention to any one thing at a time. Our over scheduled lives also mean that we are constantly trying to multi-task, jumping from one thing to the next in our perpetual to-do list. How then do we make the space to listen - to ourselves and to others?

With care and deliberation. Create a ritual to slow down and concentrate. Make a calendar appointment in the middle of the day to stop everything and listen. The listening exercise can be abstract - you could tap into your inner monologue and journal, listen to your own breathing, or meditate if you can. Or something practical - check in with a colleague or friend and ask what's going on in their lives. But approach these conversations with no hidden agenda. No interruptions. No notes. No gossip. No follow ups. Just an honest exchange of thoughts, opinions, feelings.

At first it will be difficult to quieten your mind and your environment. It's hard to resist the temptation of saying "me too" when someone is sharing their thoughts. But with practice, and determination, you will slowly start to push the noise out. A friend of mine resolved to improve her attention span by reading paper books, cover to cover. Not e-books, not news articles, not social media posts - nothing electronic. She set aside 25 minutes every day as "Quiet Time" during which she read a physical book, or wrote something on paper. It's been 5 months and she found it difficult to follow through the ritual every day. But she did start AND finish 8 books. That's 8 more than last year.

Create a ritual for yourself and let me know how it works out.

In case you missed our posts on listening you can click below to read them.

• You can hear the words, but are you listening? (click here)
• Are you listening for understanding? (click here)
• To influence others, listen first (click here)
• Are you listening to include? (click here)

Click below to download this month's worksheet.

Listening better

Some books have an outsized impact and stay with you forever. One such book for me is How to Listen by Oscar Trimboli. Not only have I read this book many times, but I have also gifted it to many of my friends.

In his book, Oscar describes the 5 levels of listening. Here’s how the layers unfold:

• Level 1 - Listening to Yourself – You begin by quieting your own noise.
• Level 2 - Listening to the Content – You hear the words, but not much else.
• Level 3 - Listening for Context – Now you're tuning into the environment, the dynamics.
• Level 4 - Listening for the Unsaid – You notice the gaps. The hesitation. The sighs behind the sentence.
• Level 5 - Listening for Meaning – You uncover what truly matters to the other person - not just what they’re saying, but why.

At Level 1, you’re sketching in pencil. At Level 5, you’re painting with light and shadow, texture and tone. This is the kind of listening that builds culture, not just conversation. Sadly, most people never move past level 2.

If you are looking to improve your listening skills, or would like ideas about how to improve communication among your team, I would definitely recommend this book. It's full of anecdotes and practical tips on how to listen deeply. And there is an accompanying podcast.

p.s. This is my honest opinion. It is not a paid endorsement.

One last thought...

What is the point of a conversation? Is it to exchange information? Or to share opinions and feelings about something? Is it to prove a point? If those were the only reasons we would have more efficient ways to communicate. We would not worry about nuances, or context, or backstory. We would not try to read between the lines and hear the unsaid.

I think that behind all our constructs of communication is the instinctive need to be seen, to be heard, to influence; to know that who we are and what we say matters to someone. And we go to great lengths in pursuit of that.

As always, THANK YOU for tuning in and listening. If you think someone could benefit from this conversation, please share this newsletter with them. Or share my LinkedIn page. And if you have an idea or suggestion for a topic, please send it my way. I am always ready to listen.

Attentively,

Anjani